PUBLIC AFFECTION: How Much Is TO Much?

Public displays of affection: to be or not to be, to watch or not to watch, THAT is the question!

If you are someone, like myself, who is in the I’m Not Affection “clique” then the answer to that question is NOT. However, you may ride the fence, eventhough I am always told that you can’t, and decide that it’s not your thing but what the hell “I’ll watch, I don’t mind a ‘lil amateur porn.”

It seems that in a day and age where the majority of people meet their “soul mates” in untraditional places: such as on dating websites, Myspace, chat rooms…etc., that public displays of affection would take a backseat to casual conversation. This, however, has not happened. More and more people are groping, fondling, slobbing down, and doing everything under the sun, but having sex outside, to their significant other (or a stranger for that matter lol). Being from the city, I see a lot of this on the subways, at the bars, or just standing at the light. My question is what makes you think that it’s okay to do that and why do you think the rest of the world wants to see it?

I have never been an affectionate person and probably never will be, especially not for the whole world to see. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with a subtle gesture of affection to the object of your affections but why would you want to show everybody passing by or standing around what being with you is like? Like a good friend always tells me, “Everything in moderation.”

I’ve also noticed high school aged kids getting in on the action, hell they might be MOST of the action, and this is goes for the gay and straight ones. They are on the subways groping and tonguing each other down like they are in private bedrooms with the windows painted black. I wonder what the parents would say if they seen the way their kids behave in public. I mean just because you’re f*cking doesn’t mean you have to let EVERYBODY KNOW you’re f*cking. And if you’re not why would you want to give out the impression that you are? Old adage time: There is a TIME and a PLACE for everything? The subway cart, bar, nor corner IS one of them.

NOTE: If you don’t take anything else away from today’s blog posting LEARN, LIVE, and LOVE by that phrase.

So to my readers I guess that leaves these questions for you to respond to: How much is to much for you? When, where, and what is appropriate? And does watching someone “neck” while you’re trying to read your book, drink your coffee, or watch a movie gross you out?

The Rescuing Hug

I received an email from a dear friend, the other day, with an article in it regarding a set of twins,The article details the first week of their life. The larger of the two was born at 2.3 pds and the smaller one just 2 pds. Being born 12 weeks ahead of time they were placed in separate incubators, as is standard hospital practice, however; while one flourished towards becoming a healthy baby girl the other’s health deteriorated and the possibility of her leaving this earth became very likely.

The nurse on duty did all she could to nurse the girl back to health but to no avail. As a last resort, she asked the parents if it was ok for her to put them in the same incubator b.c it was all that she could think to do. I mean it couldn’t hurt, right? Low and behold, it worked, no sooner than the incubator door closed Brielle (sick) snuggled up to Kyrie (healthier). As soon as she was close to her sister she calmed right down and her blood-oxygen readings were the best that they had been since her birth. Kyrie wrapped her arm around her sister as they dozed off. The twins thrived in the same incubator and went home sooner then expected.

This is a great story about the bond between siblings which I, personally, know nothing about because I am the only child from my mom and my dad’s son is only 8. For one, we are to far apart in age and two it seems like the bond is harder to form when you don’t live in the same house, especially considering the age difference. So I guess my question is can the bond between two siblings be that strong and at one point does it decrease or cease to exist?

Family plays a very important part in the lives of a lot of people, my family included. So in a day and age when having multiple (anything over 3) kids is frowned upon how do you decided whether or not you want to give your kids the opportunity to have such a bond? And with the economy the way that it is right now, how can you afford it? This is definitely not the best time to be from a big immediate family that has only one source of income. But at the end of the day there are still a lot of people having 4 and 5 kids and they are making it through so, I guess to each it’s own.

Personally, coming from a big family it makes me want to have one of my own. The four or five kids is definitely something I see in my future, God willing. My grandmother has 10 kids but most of her kids only have 1. Still, having a lot of cousins makes for fun during the holidays and a lot of celebrating throughout the year. I LOVE coming from a big family and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

‘Til next time….XOXOXO!!!!!!!

Hypothetically~Would You Wanna Know

Hypothetically of course
Are there some things better left unsaid
Or would you wanna know instead
Hypothetically of course
Are there some wars not worth fighting
Some tears not worth crying
Hypothetically of course
What if this happened to you
what would you want me to do

– Lyfe Jennings, Hypothe

This is the chorus to Lyfe Jennings song “Hypothetically.” Now John and I were discussing this the other day. For those of you that don’t know the song the background on it is this: a boyfriend is asking his girlfriend hypothetically what if he cheated on her, would she want to know or would she rather leave the past behind them, because after all it IS the past. She then counterresponds with, ” Well what if I told you that I had a confession? What if I said 4 years ago when we were arguing he came to comfort me and I wound up pregnant and I can’t be sure just if the baby’s yours.” In turn asking him would he want to know or could she just suppress it because technically he’s the baby’s daddy anyway. That is the basic run down of the song as for as what the situation was between them.

My question to you is, “Would YOU want to know and would, should, or could it even matter?”

Me, I feel like this> Yes, maybe she was wrong and if the baby isn’t his then granted he should know, JUST IN CASE because ish happens. You don’t want it coming out 10 years down the line, God forbid something happens to the child and he/she needs an organ or blood from the parent, that he isn’t the father. But at the same time, I don’t think that should stop him from being a father to the, to HIS, child especially after four years. If you are in a good situation why should something as little as DNA stop you from loving and being with the only family you know? Then I guess that would bring us to the question, “Is Love Enough?” Which is definitely a different topic for a different day.

We, as women, are faced with this situation more often then we should be: men go out and have affairs all the time and do stupid things, such as not putting a hat on, and then WE are faced with the decision to stay or go. For us the process of getting over a child outside of our “monogamous” relationship is a lot easier then it is for a man. Hence the situation of the song. And just so you know it was to much for him to handle and he left.

That brings me to the questions, and this is for the men and the women to respond to. Why is it okay for you to go out and have affairs and babies out side of the monogamous agreement but when we do it all hell has to break loose, then on top of that you usually leave? And ladies why do we let them put us in that situation and then we make it easy for them by staying?

To the ladies that have been in this situation and decided to stay, I take my hat off to you. YOU ARE A HELL OF A WOMAN, especially if he really isn’t worth the heartache anyway. I don’t know what I would do if I was faced with that situation because it is definitely one that depends on the circumstances surrounding it. However, I can say this, if he was worth it and he made me happy then yes I think I might try to work it out. With that I must bid you au revoir, until next time.

A NOTE TO THE FELLAS: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If you can dish it learn how to take it and if you can’t I advise you to wise up and strap up.

Lovers & Friends

6 out of 10 guys think that satisfying a woman is sexually pleasing her. Wrong fellas! True, sexually pleasing is a major part of satisfying her because sex makes up about 30% of a relationship. But that is not all there is to it.
To please your woman 100% you must be, not only her lover, but her best friend. If she just wanted good sex she could f*ck any Joe Schmo on the street, dicks come a dime a dozen. You must be there for her when she needs you and be willing to make sacrifices if it comes to that, which it will. Every woman wants to be able to chill w/ her man w/o always having to deal w/ the stresses of being in a relationship, just as every man should want this from his woman. I know those are things she should do w/ her friends but you don`t always feel like being bothered w/ your friends. Sometimes you just want to be in the presence of your significant other.
You can tell when you are pleasing your woman , not only physically but emotionally, b/c she will be willing to do anything it takes to make you happy. She will always have your back because that`s what a GOOD WOMAN does and she will walk to the end of the earth with/for you if you ask her too, and you may not even have to ask. Just remember, “ you have to give it to get it!” If you don`t know what I`m talking about sleep on it!!

Note: These statements are my personal opinion as a woman and are not based on facts. There was no research done, just a living example.

The New Tattoo

On Saturday I will be making my way to the tattoo parlor to get my 4th piece of art. I love my tattoo guy he is, by far the best. This one is a butterfly that I am putting on my back. However, it is apart of a bigger envisioned tattoo.

Everyone thinks that I am addicted to tattoos now or some kind of masochist. This is not the case. I have just found a pleasure in the beauty of the art, the pain however I could live without.

I know tattoos are the ‘it’ thing to do right now and everyone is finding themselves drawn to the parlor. All I say is don’t get anything that you will regret 15 years from now because they say tattoo removal puts the actual tattoo to shame. The pain is definitely not worth it. Besides why would you want something on your body that doesn’t mean anything to you or that will make you want to hide it from certain types of people.

Tattooing has been around for well over 2000 years. I think there is an emotional inclination behind it that draws people to them but also pushes some people away. Or makes them stereotype those of us that are drawn to the ink.

A tattoo is definitely not for the weak minded individual; it is for open-minded and free spirited people. I consider myself to be a free-spirit and I can say this because just 2-3 years ago I wasn’t one. When you make the change you realize it because new doors open up to you. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of doors that need opening but damnit I’m well in front of a lot and i mean A LOT of people that I know.

So if you’re thinking about joining the clan please think long and hard before you make that decision. Or go get a piercing, lol, those can always be removed.

Life’s Unexpected Twists

It’s funny how life works. Things happen to you and you would never see yourself in that situation until your placed smack dab in the middle of that very situation.

I work at a temp agency so I talk to a lot of people that are looking for work or looking to supplement an already existent income. The other day I received a call from a gentleman, whom we will call John, looking for work while he is on the East coast for the summer. Apparently, he was so smitten (and yes babe I said smitten) with the way that I sound he decided to call back and offer me his number for casual conversation, whenever I might possibly be free. Me, being the free spirit that I am, I took it.

For about a week now we have been talking on the phone everyday for a minimum of 2 hours a day. I have never met someone in the entirety of my life that I have so much in common with. Even when I date other people that are the same sign as me. It’s like we talk about anything from what the day was like to arranged marriages (the latest topic of discussion).

So I guess that brings me to how life hands you things to see how you will deal with them. I’m not saying that this guy is the man of my dreams but I’m not turning my nose up at the idea that he could possibly be. Life is short and if an opportunity presents itself I feel like you should take it just because you never know the reasoning behind its appearance until its over. And if you don’t take life by the wings and soar as high as the sky will let you, you will be left on the ground wondering what if and/or how come. My only advice is to hold on tight because the ride can be a douzy sometimes.

The Addiction to Tattoos

They say that tattoos are addicting, it’s something in the ink. I think I might have to agree because my first tattoo is quite small. I got it when I was only 20, if I recall correctly. My next tattoo is much more recent, I got the outline done in August and the coloring done in October. Generally, you want a new tattoo every couple years, for me I’m ready for my next tattoo in less then 6 months. And I don’t want just a tattoo I like BIG tattoos. Which can be bad because they can be seen as unprofessional. Personally, I don’t think they are but that’s how some people view them. They also automatically assume that you are some kind of criminal. Back in the day maybe that was the logic but now people get tattoos just for the art. I love my tattoos and I can’t wait to get my next one and then my one after that.

My Phoenix, is on my back and my arm. Well the full Phoenix is on my back and the tail is on my arm. I can’t lie it’s quite big but I think it’s very sexy. It looks great when I dress up and it compliments me so well. My first tattoo is a symbol that kind of looks like the Moschino emblem but it stands for strength and healing. It’s so little compared to my Phoenix but I’m glad because it’s on the back of my neck. I told my tattoo artist that he could do the rest of my back but it doesn’t look like that will happen because I don’t know what I can get that will be that big. So what I’ve decided is to get the lower back done on the side because I was told I can’t get a tramp stamp.

Ireland Was Amazing As Expected

I know I’m a little late but there’s a lot going on in my life right now. I went to Ireland, however, as I said I would. I had an amazing time and the school was beautiful. I love it. I have to apply next month and I’m very excited but very scared at the same time. They get numerous applicants and they only accept 150, maybe 160, people into the program. That’s enought o scare you sh*tless if you really want to go to the school.

 Anyway after business was taken care of it was time to commence to some partying as I said. I didn’t have as much fun as I wanted to or as I could have had, if I would have went with someone else. Not saying that I didn’t enjoy myself with the person that came with me just saying that I know it could have been better, as she probably feels the same exact way.  Either way it is over now and what is done is done.

 I hope to be back there soon. If not for school then definitely for vacation at least once every 2 years if not every year. Maybe I can get a dual citizenship or something, lol. I don’t think they like me that much there. Pray for me people I really want to go and to think the program is only one year. How heavenly is that?!

Interracial Dating

Tonight was a very long night for me. I got into an argument w/ my grandmother, well not an argument more like a disagreement, b.c she told me that I am ashamed of being Black. Black as in the “race” and black is in my skin complexion. She feels this way b.c I date white guys and light skin black guys but I don’t necessarily date dark skin black guys. She thinks I’m prejudice and that I date them b.c I am ashamed of my own complexion. I guess in so many words she is saying that I want to be them. What do you think? Do you think people that date outside there race are people that are ashamed of their own skin and want to be something that they’re not?

I don’t date dark skin guys b.c I’m not attracted to them. I date white guys b.c I’m attracted to them.  Things like this put you in awkward situations. I know that she doesn’t approve of interracial dating but I’m not going to stop dating who I’m attracted to to make her happy. I love my grandmother dearly but she needs to realize that we are not back in the 40s anymore, things change, people change, races change, hell and we create new ones. There are so many interracial couples out here now that sooner or later we are all going to be seriously mixed up, as if we aren’t already. I don’t know how many people can say they are a pure breed but I know I damn sure can’t.

 I love my race, despite it’s down falls and I love my complexion, contrary to what she may think. I don’t ever want to be light skin or white for that matter. I like white men that like BLACK women not OREOS. Any guy, regardless of his race, has to love me for me and all that comes with me.

I’m sorry grandma but I can’t make you happy b.c at the end of the day I have to make my decisions for me, I am the only person that has to live with them. If I get hurt dating another race, as was implied, I am the only person that has to deal with that. If anybody decides to stop speaking to me b.c I am with someone that makes me happy, despite what color they are, then I don’t need you b.c my happiness is not in your best interest but it’s in mine. I guess I’ll see you when you come around.

 I can respect someone who doesn’t date outside their race and I can respect someone who doesn’t approve of dating outside your race but I can’t respect someone who looks down on you b.c skin color isn’t a barrier to you. People we have to grow up, and I know for people my grandmother’s age it might be hard, but don’t knock the younger generations for trying to tear down the walls that your generation and those before you built. We are a freer spirit, things that weren’t acceptable then we embrace now. Please don’t knock us for being who we are and who we thought you raised us to be, unbiased, anti-racist, anti-segregationist, anti-bigots, and equal opportunist (even if society isn’t).

 This is one of my favorite movies but it is not always a good example b.c Sanaa Lathan overexaggerated in some situations. Still it shows me that there is hope for interracial couples eventhough it is only a movie.

 

 

Ireland Here I Come

My trip to Ireland is calling my name. I can’t wait: I leave on the 14th of November. I love that place. The first and second time I went it was just for fun; but, this time there is an actual method to my madness. I am going to see the school that I want to attend for grad school, University College of Dublin.

Of course after the visiting of the college and all the business stuff is taken care of partying it will be. Dublin is an amazing place to visit if you love to party. I believe it is about 80% of the population that is under 35. If that doesn’t make for a party place I don’t know what does. The people are super friendly and everyone is just out to have a good time. Although, a couple fights are bound to break out, lol, mostly among the locals.

Well I will keep you posted on how that trip went and I might even decide to show you a picture or two. Either way you will here about my adventure on my return.